Communication

Archive for June, 2010

They say that communication is the key to a successful marriage, to a friendship, or even in promoting efficiency in the market place. It’s hard to disagree with that statement, and it is true in nearly all cases. But if communication is the key, one has to ask, what is the lock? In other words, what took place or transpired which caused a problem or challenge that could only be solved with communication? Is miscommunication the lock? That doesn’t sound accurate.

However, one could say that lack of training or understanding is the lock, and communication is that which solves this problem. But if we fail to communicate in training, or if people are misunderstanding each other, it is usually a communication issue in the first place. Therefore, one could say that communication is not only the key, but it is also the lock. And if this is so, why don’t we throw both the key away, and why would you lock the door or put up fences between us?

Is it true that the human race cannot function without proper communication? Is that why everyone has five ways to contact them? Is that why everyone is busy communicating on the Internet, having conversations at home, using their cell phone or even text messaging while driving? And where are they driving too, are they driving themselves insane, or are they driving to work to communicate with their coworkers, their customers, their clients, and the consumer?

I would submit to you that communication is the lock and the key, and the reality is you need to open the door, or look in the mirror and see. Indeed, I hope you please consider this.

There are two levels of communication: official, spoken messages and unofficial, true messages. Survival in most business settings depends on figuring out what’s true as quickly as possible.

Starting a job with a new company is like wandering around an unfamiliar country without a guidebook. Unfortunately, the only guidebook is the one that contains the company’s official message. It may take you a while to determine how much of that message is true and how much is public relations. The people who have worked there for some time know, but the “truth” is something you will have to figure out for yourself.

Let’s imagine you have just landed your dream job. Everything you have heard and read is a philosophy you can embrace, a management style that speaks to your deepest principles. All around the building are signs with the company’s mission, vision, and values.

The official message is this: “Our company is committed to honoring people–the people who work here (its most important resource), the people whom the company serves (clients and customers), the people who serve the company (suppliers and vendors), and the people who invest in the company’s future (the shareholders).”

You are impressed and grateful to have found such a perfect fit. You are also a bit naive to take it all at face value. The messages that appear on the walls, on the Web site, in the annual report, and even on little engraved plaques on people’s desks, begin to look a bit frayed around the edges as you become more aware of how things are done–the unofficial, true messages.

It’s nothing overt, of course. It’s the little things. As you observe attitudes toward suppliers, for example, you sense a certain lack of loyalty. Even if someone has been providing a service for years, if that same service can be obtained at a lower price, that’s enough to warrant a change in suppliers. The truth, it seems, is more about saving money than saving relationships.

Then you notice that, while all customers are supposedly equal in importance, some are more equal than others. Older accounts, especially if they don’t buy a lot of product, don’t rate the same attention as newer, larger accounts. In fact, sometimes they don’t rate any attention at all. The truth has more to do with sales figures than figuring out how to meet the customers’ needs, no matter their size.

These truths don’t reveal themselves dramatically or suddenly. You may even be a little slow to realize that account executives have more cache than administrative staff, that some folks are favored over others, and that the only people who really count are shareholders.

Once you unscramble the mixed messages, the truth becomes clear. What matters in this company is profit, not people.

Communication (or the lack of it) now tops the list of marriage problems. It surpasses such problems as sexual incompatibility, infidelity, money, and other issues we consider more serious. The reason communication has gained so much importance is because it forms the basis for an intimate relationship.

Most communication skills are learn t or taught. The way we treat our children when they to establish dialogue may determine their success in this field in future. We should learn to carefully measure what can or cannot be shared with those we love. Imagine your child running into you with an exciting achievement: “Daddy i won the debate today”, and you reply disinterestedly, “that’s great dear, but i am watching news now”. A message is passed -” I don’t care what you are telling me now”. Such a child will be cautious telling you anything in future.

Communication problems mostly pop up in marriages and a number of problems have been cited:

One is that couples are afraid to share real thoughts and feeling with their better halves. Rejection is usually an underlying fear. We are afraid our partners may not approve.This blocks sharing of our thoughts feelings, hopes and dreams.

Couples also fail to communicate sometimes because they have never experienced success at it. Whenever they try to communicate they were shot down. As earlier mentioned such problems begin early in life. A certified family life educator and author of ‘Heart to heart-the art of communication‘ compares such people to turtles. They stick their heads cautiously for air, only to be attacked by predators. As a result they have learnt to stay inside their shells rather than explore the outside. Gloomy as it may be, it offers safety.

Another reason is that most people fail to communicate is because it’s easier to hide our ideas rather than learn to articulate them in a proper manner. It largely has to do with what we feel about ourselves. If you think your ideas hold no water, why bother to share them? Who cares to hear what you are saying anyway? Your conclusion is it’s better to withdraw than experience hurt.

The fifth reason couples fail to communicate is lack of audience from the other party. Some partners are always looking for faults in others to the extent they never listen. they don’t work towards bettering their skills but instead tend to blame others for their shortcomings. A story is told of a man who went to a doctor complaining of his wife’s deafness the doctor advised him to him ton carry out a simple test tom find out if this was the case. So when the man went home that day he stood at the door and shouted, “Honey is dinner ready?” no answer. He walked a few meters inside and repeated the question. again no response. For the third time when he was standing a few centimeters from her he heard her reply “for the third time yes!”. Who’s deaf? You be judge.

The important function of talking is not to pass information but to establish a bond. By opening up and sharing we can turn our relationships into perfect bliss.

“I know you think you understand what you thought I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”

Have you ever tried to communicate something and it just didn’t come out right? Or perhaps you thought it came out right but the other person took it wrong? Why is it that communication flows so smoothly with some, while with others it can be bumpy and frustrating? Of course the mood you are in, your relationship with the person (boss to subordinate, spouse, best friend), and your background, such as education or expertise in an area, will have an influence on the way you communicate–but there is something more. The way you communicate with others has a great deal to do with your basic personality.

We all have a blend of characteristics that make up our personality. These characteristics have an effect on the way we communicate. Although there are numerous systems for explaining our behaviors and the origins of our personalities, the communication model explained in the book “Showing Our True Colors”is one of the easiest to remember and most fun to apply. Following are brief descriptions of the communication preferences of each of the four Color Styles. Read over the descriptions and determine which one is closest to your particular style.

BLUE COMMUNICATION STYLE

A Blue’s world revolves around people, relationships, and fostering growth in themselves and others. When speaking, they first focus their attention on establishing a relationship or reconnecting with the person. The information they wish to convey is woven into this relationship-building endeavor.

Friendly, Helpful, Empathetic

Optimistic

Expressive with Emotion

Fostering or Maintaining Harmony

May use metaphors to embellish points

Tips for Communicating with Blues:

Acknowledge Them

Show Appreciation

Include them

Have patience

Don’t “bark” orders

GOLD COMMUNICATION STYLE

Golds are generally respectful and responsible. They listen for details so they know what their part is. They usually size up a situation for what would be most appropriate before responding.

Purposeful, Plans Ahead

Respectful, Appropriate

Supportive of Policies and Rules

Detail Oriented, Chronological

Loyal, Devoted

Tips for Communicating with Golds:

Be Prepared, Give Details

Stay on Target, be Consistent

Show Respect

Don’t Interrupt

Recognize Their Contributions

GREEN COMMUNICATION STYLE

For the most part, Greens communicate for the purpose of gaining or sharing information. During a conversation, their attention is usually focused on the matter at hand, not on the relationship.

Logical and Objective

Includes Facts and Information

Big Picture, Conceptual

Questioning, Critiquing

Wry Sense of Humor

Tips for Communicating with Greens:

Allow Them Time to Ponder

Skip the “small talk”

Avoid Redundancy

Give Big Picture or Point first, then fill in details if asked

Don’t misinterpret their need for info as interrogation

ORANGE COMMUNICATION STYLE

Generally, Oranges want to share their opinion the minute it hits their mind. Interested in taking action and being expedient, they may skip the softeners and go straight for the “punch-line.”

Casual, Playful

Spontaneous, Now Oriented

Fast-Paced, Changes Subjects Quickly

Straightforward

Active, Involved, Mobile

Tips for Communicating with Oranges:

Use “Sound Bites”

Move with Them While They Multitask

Appreciate Their Flair

Allow Options and Flexibility

Lighten Up

Identifying your Color Style and those of others gives you insights to help you improve communication. Instead of trying to get others to change, recognize what you can do. The next time you have an interaction with another person, notice what style is most dominant for them. Remember the suggested tips and experiment with which ones work best with each individual. Like learning to drive, communication gets smoother and more automatic with practice. Remember to let your True Colors show!

Have you ever been trying to talk with your partner on this topic has been hard for you or point of contention between the two of you or both of you just shut down and close the other? As you probably already know, the way you communicate about it complicated and can make the difference between the two coming together to reach a solution or two more exciting.

You may have experienced recent discussions in which, onA certain level, communication broke down one or both of you disconnect. This place of separation is not only harmful to your partner satisfactory agreement on the issue complicated, it can also stand in the way of your relationship to be close and loving as it can be.

Here are some tips 10 relationship to help you connect and communicate …

Tip # 1: First Set

If at all possible, take a few moments alone tuned into your feelings aboutWhat do you want to communicate with your partner. Ask yourself if there are other contributing factors made you feel on the subject, get to know them and then approach your partner from a more relaxed, more clear.

Tip # 2: mean log

Again, because you love your access to, take a few seconds to define intention. Make it a priority to link your intention with your partner. Discussions sometimes challenging to make a contest on whoRight and who's wrong. Enter the call on purpose to connect you communicate well. This guidance can help set the tone for your entire exchange.

Tip # 3: Speak with integrity

Just because your intention to connect, we do not recommend that you be honest about how you feel, or what you want. The connection is not always the agreement or go together, just to keep the peace. You know what's right for you then be brave enough to stand on what you wantbelieve.

Tip #4: Avoid telling stories

We all engage in some amount of “storytelling” or making assumptions about someone else’s experience or thoughts. Become aware of the stories you tend to tell yourself about yourself, your partner, and your relationship. Ask yourself if you know those stories to be true and if you don’t, be willing to let go of (or at least temporarily suspend) those beliefs.

Tip #5: Make communication agreements

If necessary, ask your mate Make an agreement with you about how you communicate before you start your discussion. You can choose to set a timer to ensure that each of you has a solid time to say what you need to say and then listen to another person his or her time. You can also agree that if any of you need to cool off during the communication, will allow you this before, but also specify the new time in which there are two back to the subject.

Tip # 6: Focus on Emotions

When you're talking aboutwith integrity what is true for you, keep yourself focused on feelings. Using “I statements” can be helpful. For example, “I feel fearful when I don’t know your plans.” If you find yourself saying something like: “I feel that you are lying to me,” this is not an “I statement.” Emotions such as mad, angry, sad, frustrated, glad, and happy can help you effectively say what you are feeling.

Tip #7: Be curious rather than accusing

Perhaps the biggest way to shut down

Distortions happen a lot in communication. We hear a message, and instead of listening to all that is said, and only all that is said (”the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God”), we distort what we hear and twist it into something else. Here are some reasons we distort the messages we hear:

• We don’t like what we hear. We want to hear something else

• We have our own agenda, hidden or otherwise. We may want to teach someone a lesson or make a point in our favour

• We are filtering the message through our own beliefs, attitudes, sense of right and wrong

• We are unable to see the message from the point of view of the speaker – our own perspective is so firmly held, we can’t let go of it even for a minute (this is particularly insidious if we are not even aware of our own perspectives and the impacts its having on our ability to listen)

Imagine the familiar scene. A family weekend get together, complete with grandparents, adult sons with wives and small children, aged between one and nine. Daughter-in-law #2 says to Grandmother “we don’t really like the way that little Marcus behaves. I know he’s much older, but the way he plays, he frightens our (4 year old) Morgan”. Grandmother distorts this message into “Son #2 and his wife don’t want their children to have anything to do with Son #1 and his family”. This message is conveyed to Son #1 and his wife. A family rift lasting 3 years ensues.

This is a true and very sad story.

When we distort the message we hear, we limit access to important information, we strain the relationship and we potentially impoverish someone else’s model of the world with our own limitations. When you are listening to someone else, watch for these common distortions in what you are hearing:

• Presupposing or assuming. “She knows how much this means to me and yet she still behaves that way!” Does she know how much it means to you? How do you know? What if she doesn’t know how much it means to you? Very few people make it their conscious life goal to make yours a misery.

• Incorrect cause-effect linking. “He yells – that tone of voice means he must be angry”. Could his tone of voice mean anything else? Maybe he’s a more expressive and direct communicator than you. Maybe he’s rehearsing for the role of Hamlet.

• Amateur mind reading. “He’s got to think I’m an idiot now”. Really? Why would he think that? And how could you possibly know without further exploration? Don’t attempt this without a working crystal ball.

I’ve seen the impact that distorted listening can have. It can be crushing and the ripples from this kind of listening can last for years. Pay attention to how you listen. Do you embellish, manipulate or disguise the messages you hear? Make a conscious effort to listen more clearly to what you hear. We hear a lot about “straight talk”. Let’s pay some attention to “straight listening” too!

Good communication is important in any relationship: family, friends, romantic relationships, work. You have to talk and you have to listen. Sounds simple, but it rarely is. Most conflicts in an intimate relationship, particularly, are not about the conflict – they are about BEING HEARD, that is, feeling valued, important, loved. When we listen to our partners and they listen to us, the underlying message is you are important to me. Being heard and having our needs met is sometimes more important than getting our way or having our partner agree with us.

Having ADHD can interfere with good communication in a variety of ways:

1. Distractibility – often what’s going on in your head is louder than what your partner is saying and your partner thinks you are ignoring him/her. Sometimes the distractions are external…TV, music, street noise. Either way, your partner feels ignored and slighted.

2. Impulsivity – sometimes poor impulse control can get the ADHD person in trouble over and over again. When you speak your mind at the wrong time (open mouth, insert foot). Sometimes the need to get it “all out there” lest you forget what you want to say leaves your partner feeling frustrated and discounted.

3. Changing the subject – nothing ever gets resolved, neither partner feels heard, and neither partner knows how you got from point A to point B.

4. Low self-esteem – After being told for years that you are not good enough, or you could (or should) do better, you learn to become defensive even if no one is accusing you of anything. You spend more time and energy presenting your case than listening to what your partner is really saying. Because you so often feel on the defensive, you may misinterpret your partner’s message.

These are just a few of the challenges a person with ADHD faces when communicating with others. What are some of your challenges?

If you want to increase the effectiveness of your communications you first need to understand where the other person is coming from. “Seek first to understand, then to be understood” recommends Stephen Covey. When you listen carefully to another person, you give that person “psychological air”. Once that need is met, you can then focus on influencing or problem-solving.

Good listeners don’t interrupt, especially to correct mistakes or make points. They don’t judge. They think before answering, concentrate on what is being said, avoid rehearsing answers while the other person is speaking, and they don’t insist on having the last word.

Communication is at the heart of all relationships, especially marriage. Communication determines how the rest of the marriage functions. With good communication skills, individual problems can be overcome, stresses dealt with in a healthy and efficient manner, disagreements settled to the satisfaction of both partners, and other matters discussed openly and objectively. Incorporating communication skills into your daily life is the key to maintaining good relationships.

Change begins when we ask ourselves what we are contributing to the problems in our relationship. When we clearly understand how we contribute to our communication patterns we can begin to change the way we are in our relationships.

Do you sometimes feel difficult to effectively communicate with other people especially for business purpose? You may simply think because you not just not sociable. Well, what is more behind the general word sociable? Understanding more about these barriers help you know more about what the underlying factors are causing you not sociable and achieve better communication.

Filtering

Filtering is the control of information flow intentionally so that the receiver feel more easily accepted. In an organization, it can happen when the upper hierarchy not desire all the information be known by the lower hierarchy. For more personal situation, it can happen when your family member refuses to disclose certain bad news to you.

Selective Perception

Selective perception means we interpret information selectively based on our own interests. Facing the same information, different receiver will selectively pick up the piece of information that interests him, leading to certain information more impressive to us while others are not.

Information overload

In such a technologically advance era, information is flowing everywhere. We are not monster or even computer, the information that we can process at the same time is very limited. When there is too much information, we will be overloaded. When this happens, we start to miss out, forget and ignore information. With information loss due to overload, we are not going to have effective communication.

Emotions

You feelings at the time of communication mean a lot to how you interpret the information. The same message sent to you when you are angry and when you are happy can be interpreted significantly different. The biggest problem to us caused by emotions is not we are going to miss certain information (maybe useful ones), the problem is usually at that time we are not that rational. If we fail to interpret the information rationally, we are not objective and logical.

Language

The same word can have different meaning when it comes to different people due to our background and cultural differences. Even we are speaking the same language like English, sometimes, we cannot accurately get the meaning from others. The big problem does not lie with the fact that a word can mean differently to different people, the problem is we always assume other people interpret the word with the same meaning as we do. This is especially true to the communication between men and women.

By knowing the barriers to effective communication, you can intentionally do something to lower the barriers. Though it is not that easy to eliminate all the barriers due to tons of reasons, knowing more about it is always better.

The demands of the globalized economy, the hustle and bustle of every day life, the moves and separations and distances that pull us apart from the ones we love are an immutable fact of modern existence. Whether you are pulled away from your home or it is someone you know, the closeness that used to keep us together as humans has been slipping away since the invention of the automobile and the factory. But is this the end of communication, conversation, and relationships?

Not in the least. The love and friendship that all humans need remains, even while the ease of community and proximity has been reduced. What’s a traveling, busy, modern human to do? The answer is: try. While you can no longer rely on seeing your friends and family every day of the year, there are still a number of tried and true ways to stay close in your absence. With the advent of high speed internet, there are even a few new methods of staying with the ones you love when you are away from home.

The first, and most overlooked, form of staying in touch is the classic hand-written letter. Though it is pejoratively referred to these days as ’snail-mail’ for the comparative slowness that it takes to reach its destination, there are few things that beat a classic handwritten letter when we are talking about heart and care. There is just something about being able to read someone’s handwriting, and knowing that they took the extra care to sit down at a desk and craft a letter, that the impersonal nature of electronic mail just cannot convey.

It is recommended, if you are keen on letter writing, that you save your letters for periodic check-ups and explanations, and not for the minutia that can pass for e-mail correspondence. Because letters are infrequent, you should save your letter writing for instances when you have a good deal of personal and important information to share.

Where ’snail-mail’ falters in terms of speed and ease, electronic communications pick up the slack and present unique advantages. The explosion of electronic communication for business purposes has left some people wondering if real feeling can ever be transmitted over a fiber optic wire. While it is true that constant communication can begin to feel more like a surveillance mechanism and less like a true relationship, one can keep the spark and the interest in electronic communication by saving just the important details and the remarkable aspects of one day for an e-mail, or an instant messenger conversation.

Communication will continue to be a difficult aspect of human life. There is always the possibility for misunderstanding, redundancy, and boredom, even in the healthiest relationship. Keep your ties close (and interesting) by making good, tactical use of electronic and hand-written forms of communication.

There are a few key infrastructure tools that are vital to the growth of any small business. Along with business cards, a reliable phone service and an Internet connection, being able to send and receive faxes is an important part of day-to-day business operations. Sending a fax nowadays can feel very outdated-did you know that you can send a fax by email? Read below to discover the advantages of Internet faxing.

It’s Cheap At typically less than $9.95 per month, Internet fax services are incredibly inexpensive. And, because all you need is a computer and an Internet connection, you don’t have to incur the added expense of buying a costly fax machine.

It’s Easy Faxing online is also incredibly simple-you can easily send your document with a click of a button. Gone are the hassles of manually feeding each page into a fax machine before transmitting the data. With a traditional fax machine, there was always the chance your fax wouldn’t be received properly, and you’d have to repeat the process all over again. With Internet fax, you type in the destination number, add the docs you want to send as attachments and then click the send button.

Receiving a fax is also a breeze. You don’t have to check a different machine to find out if you’ve been sent a facsimile. The fax will appear in your email inbox, and you can open it and read it on your computer instantly. If you can use a computer and send an email you can definitely use an Internet fax service.

It’s Reliable How often have you had a fax machine go out of commission sporadically? The frustrations of relying on a phone line or a fax machine can be replaced with reliable e-faxing. You no longer have to worry about running out of paper, busy signals or paper jams.

It’s Convenient Not only can you receive a fax on your computer, but you can also have important documents directly on your PDA or Smartphone. If you’re a businessperson on the go, receiving a high priority fax no longer means waiting in front of the machine-now you can read that doc wherever you (and your phone) are.

Online fax providers offer a wide variety of options-you can either fax through your email account, through the provider’s website or through a downloaded fax software that allows you to fax documents straight from your desktop. You are no longer tied down to your office in order to fax anything.

It’s Environmentally-Conscious You are reducing your consumption by not printing out every fax that comes your way. Not only are you saving paper but also energy required to run a fax machine that is always on. Saving the environment and conducting business at the same time is a smart move.

It’s Secure You don’t have to worry about confidential faxes reaching unwanted eyes with Internet faxes. All of the top e-fax providers protect streaming data and website content with SSL encryption technology, ensuring that no one intercepts sent data or hacks your online account. You designate which email addresses faxes are sent to, which is more secure than a document waiting on a fax machine tray.